Hello, Old Friend

So I'll be honest with you- I had kinda given up on blogging. But then two things happened:

1. Apparently Dan and Slav still read this. And apparently drunken-Slav proclaimed that my fuck buddies article "changed his life" (or at least got him thinking in a way he hadn't before) so I guess this blog is worth something after all. But wait, what's this? Real names on Blogger? Nonono. Nicknames will be needed. From now on, I dub thee: ...Oh fuck it, Dan and Slav.

2. So sometimes when I'm feeling bored and nostalgic I roam the interwebs for the digital debris that we inevitably leave behind in our lifetimes. And by that I would usually mean "I read all of the blogbuddies old blogs" except today I remembered something special and new: ISK had a blog. Yup, remember her? Indian Sex Kitty? JV's flirty Giffle that we all thought would move on to OSK after graduation? The girl that basically moved into my room Senior year? justanotherteenblog101.blogspot.com?

In reading her old stuff with about 3 years of distance, it reminded me of a theory I have. Guys are to Girls as Sports are to Guys. Guys are the safe, go-to conversation topic when there's nothing else terribly interesting to talk about, similar to the way guys talk about football or baseball. One of the things I was never crazy about in my high school group of female friends (with some exceptions, of course) was that sometimes I felt like no matter how much we had in common, this all got shoved aside because we were too busy talking about our guy friends. "The triangle" was literally the top of the pyramid, and we were the third row following them around. On the other hand, I always felt closer to the guys anyway (as did the other girls, I think) so if anything I only added to this and probably shouldn't complain. Especially seeing as I'm likely the only one that still talks to any of them anyway. This was actually one of the (very few) reasons that prompted me to favor a women's college over a coed one when it came time to pick. I wanted to feel just as bonded with and excited about my female friends as I did my male ones.


Then again, to a certain extent it's always been that way for me in particular, and not necessarily everyone. I'm used to not having a lot of material things in common with most of my friends to begin with. We talk about common people, feelings, experiences, goals, and injokes; but only rarely hobbies, books, TV shows and movies, or games. (I guess I've always had kind of oddball taste. Or maybe just no life.) One of the things that I initially found really refreshing about having a male group of friends on highschool was the clear shift in focus (well, at least before 1am), and I always wondered if it made the conversation somehow more valuable or the bonds between the people somehow longer-lasting.

The obvious answer I guess is any friendship requires a solid balance of both- and it would do everyone well once-in-awhile to make an effort to avoid the "go-to" conversation topic (whatever it is for your gender, or group of friends, or just that particular relationship) and pull in something new.

Oh, and if you were wondering, even at women's college, we still manage to happily devote a a large chunk of time to talking about dudes. Then again, we also devote a hefty amount of time to talking about basically everybody, so I'd like to think there's a happy balance in there somewhere.

Best Idea Ever

So I've always wanted to have a really unconventional wedding, and I've finally thought of a happy medium between "intimately eloping to Vegas" and "epic party with all of your friends." I'm going to have....

A Flashmob Wedding!!!

Guests will be informed of the 2-3 day period over which my wedding will take place so that they can plan for time off in advance, but they will not know the location. Then, precisely 24 hours before the ceremony, My hubby and I will reveal the location of the wedding (likely still within the continental US, but no guarantees). At this point, the wedding guests will commence their epic mission of making it to my wedding (by whatever means available) within the given timeframe in a literal race to the altar.

Pretty great, huh?

Box of Chocolates

So if you keep up with my facebook you probably know that a) I am now taking more Physics classes than Chem classes and one of them is basically dominating my life, and b) They have discovered instances of prostitution amongst penguins.

In other news, while most weeks at college fly by, the first half of this one seems to be moving unusually slowly. I have counteracted this by procrastinating work and watching episodes of The Mary Tyler Moore Show (partially curious to see where SATC gets its routes, and also in desperate need of something to replace the recently cancelled My Boys). I keep watching but frankly so far it's nothing too impressive. I suppose I'm glad they cancelled My Boys, though. I mean it was a good show that always had great potential but it was clear they weren't going to take any huge risks with the script, so they were clearly running out of material.

And that's all I have to say about that.

( I really just wanted to blog about the penguins)

MakeLoveNotPorn.com

So I stumbled upon this well-meaning little website and I felt compelled to spread the word, at least to my minuscule little chunk of cyberspace. The amusing little "Porn vs Reality" bit isn't anything genius (unless maybe, you're a clueless preteen boy) but what really got me were the comments.

In the comments section were two absolutely heart-breaking stories about how lots of exposure to hardcore pornography at a formative age had permanently damaged the sexual behavior of the individuals who (willingly and regularly) consumed it. One guy had a porn addiction so bad that, when his (sexually active) girlfriend came to visit for a few days and he couldn't jack it around her, he actually went through physical withdrawal symptoms. I suppose it's not surprising that, in a world where fastfood companies put salt in their drinks just to make you buy more, the Porn industry might somehow subliminally make their products as addicting as possible, but this was just too sad.

As I probably should have mentioned earlier, the premise of the website is this: In the world we live in today, hardcore porn is more freely available to everyone than it ever has been, and it is possibly the most significant change that has been affected on our society by the dawn of the internet. Most men are now significantly educated about sex by porn, leading to beliefs like "all women love it when you cum on their faces" and "no attractive woman has a bush." The concern here is that even people who don't enjoy these things (AKA most of us) will still feel obligated to enjoy them (or at least, pretend they enjoy them) thus leading to pretty mediocre sex all around. The website is not at all pro-censorship or antiporn though. Overall, it encourages people to have honest and respectful dialogs with their partners about their individual tastes, stand up for themselves, and also encourages the creation of more "sex positive" porn. (more realistic, and one might even say, 'lovvy-dovvy' recordings between happy looking, respectful partners.)

Obviously as a 20 year-old woman I'm all for more porn where the girls look legitimately aroused and happy instead of confused as to why a cock is being shoved down their throat. (Maybe dudes can't tell if that orgasm is acting, but we sure can). But that isn't the point.

What I derived from reading the comments section was another problem. Let's say you're spending the night in, alone, online, looking for your regular dose of nudity. Since the porn industry gets more use (I would imagine) from people who have obscure tastes to begin with (since they are less likely to find their satisfaction with a 'normal' partner) what you are presented with is mostly fetishized and exotic to begin with, with only a few more 'tame' videos interspersed. What you're really turned on by, in all likelihood, is the nudity and raw sexuality of the whole ordeal, but let's say there's some other kinkier stuff there too and you're just like "ok, whatevs, ass." But if you're young and this continues over time, however, the 'kinkier stuff' you had to endure in the first place becomes something you strongly associate with sex, and voila, a kink is born.

I have nothing against kinkiness, and this is where it becomes hard to be this website (which is both accepting of hard-core tastes, and admonishing of its domination of the porn industry). We are the way we are and sometimes there's not much that can be done to change that. (Though I can see why, if you're still in your formative years, it might be hard to tell the difference between a "that's so gross and shocking" physical reaction and a "that's so arousing" physical reaction, which could make things complicated). Overall, however, I do think that more realistic, sex-positive porn would lead to more realistic, sex-positive fantasies, thus leading to everyone having better sex as a whole.

But then there's the scary question: What if, even after sex positive porn flows just as freely as your typical "HOTT 18 YRS DOUBLE PENETRATION XXX" Pop-up add, we still en masse prefer the kinky shit and our dominant hand? Is there something about base human sexuality that would actually prefer Porn to real people? Or being spat and cum on instead of tenderly caressed? Sure, most people might say that each individual is different, and likely desires a balance of both. But what if somewhere deep in our neurochemistry porn just does a better job? Have we created the crack cocaine of our arousal and are slowly leading towards an addicted and autosexual world? Many people already would rather type online than chat face to face, so is it logical that sex will inevitably go that way too?

I wonder if any of the great dystopists ever thought that one up...

Argh

So one of the really unfortunate things about my personality is that I am basically incapable of making binary decisions. If I ever have to pick between two similar kinds of shirts or shoes I literally stare at both of them for an hour, and then almost always end up just buying both and then hating myself for buying so much crap. Obviously I always pick a favorite in the end, and the sad, second-place piece is left to fend for itself in the back of my closet, but there is no way to predict at all which one that will be.

There are two classes that I really want to take next semester, and I have spent the last several hours (sadly not an exaggeration at all) literally just flipping back and forth from syllabus to syllabus trying to decide which one to take. They're both sexy and stimulating. They're both chock full of wonderful and improbable coincidences. They're both only being offered only once in a blue moon... And they're both on Monday and Wednesday afternoons between 2 and 3.

Of course my snooty college doesn't recognize that 100% class attendance is totally unnecessary (and if you're me, doesn't even happen more than half of the time) so I've been told a petition will probably fail. This is quite possibly one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I wish I were kidding.

VS

Nature

Rhino: Dude, I'm telling you. They abducted me, flew me far, far away, and performed a variety of strange tests on me in my sleep in their large, metallic bases. They've planted a small device in my horn- I think it's to track me. They could be coming back for us at any minute! Run! They're coming! They're Coming!


Other Rhinos: Schitzo...




I gotta say though- I'm not sure how I feel about all of the efforts in existance to help 'save' endangered species. Are we fighting a futile fight? And yes we mean well in helping the species as a whole, but think about the individual animals. How would you like being abducted and relocated into a new home halfway around the continent? Away from your family and friend Rhinos? No wonder some animals don't breed well in captivity. Maybe they're just depressed and don't want to subject their kids to it.


Fun Fact: a large group of Rhinos is referred to as a "crash"

Fun Fact: Almost a month off of the internet and I come back blogging about Rhinos. Wow.

< /Lull >

So I've been playing Neverwinter Nights basically nonstop after work for the past week (comparison to WoW coming at some point...maybe) when once again a technical nuisance from the gods forced me to quit and reinvest my liesure time back in the real world. (though I'm also looking forward to getting more than six hours of sleep tonight, damn video games.)

Anyway, I was reading through Gavrich's new blog/tumblr/facebook hybrid...thing and figured I should probably throw a bone to all 2.5 readers I probably have left.

So I'm going to talk about.... Dudes. Yes that's always a good one. Dudes.


The truth is, everything your mother told you about men is a lie. Namely this phrase:

"Men are sleazeballs and a guy will say absolutley anything just to get in your pants"

See, our mothers came of age in the 1970s. I wasn't alive back then, and for all I know maybe nothing's changed at all, but here is my analysis: In history class, we're taught that while the 70's 'looked' very much like the 60's, they lacked the genuine desire for cultural change and world peace. In other words, people weren't getting high to "expand their conciousness," they were just doing it for shits and giggles. By this time, I think, dudes had forsaken the "Free Love" ideals of the Sixties, but were by no means beyond taking advantage of the results of the movement to score with anyone they wanted to sleep with. The development of the pill had finally given women some control over contraception use, making it even easier and more satisfying for everyone to sleep around (even condom free...until they discovered HIV). And let's face it, every popculture rendition of the decade today basically portrays it as a giant, coke-induced orgy. While one would think that this would lead to sleazyness on both sides of genome (and in many ways it did), older overarching ideas were still strongly influential. Women could work in almost whatever field they wanted, but kicking through the glass ceiling of promotions and responsibility was another question all together. They were still freshly escaping life as merely their husband's wives, and in many ways lacked the simple respect as equals that they are given today. I'm not saying that every man who dated during the 1970s was a douchebag- but if he wanted to be, he could certainly get away with it.

Enter nowadays- Obviously people have lied to get laid. You've surely read the TFLN "I haven't gotten laid so easily since I told a girl I had cancer" and in one memorable episode of Sex and the City, Miranda (a top notch lawyer) claims to be a stewardess. I'm not going to deny that there are a fair share of sleazeballs out there, But two major things have changed. For starters, we have. While girls of the 70s were raised in the shiny suburbs of the 50s to expect perfect loving marriages and Norman Rockwell-esque turkey dinners (after they got their degree, of course), we've been raised with rape-reports almost nightly on the news (probably not PC enough for the fifties crowd?) and explicitly and frequently told to never to be too trusting in the opposite sex. Where our mothers were dissapointed, perhaps, we're not all that surprised. Over twenty or so years of this has actually (and somewhat ironically) created a stigma around Men. Upon hearing of a straight guy majoring in SWAG, my initial thought was "He is so just doing that to get laid." A friend of mine once had a guy friend who hit on her alot when he was drunk. She thought he was just drunkenly after sex and made nothing of it (like any girl nowadays would). One day he got so frustrated with her lack of serious response that he got angry, and months later she learned he was actually really into her. Obviously Beer Goggles exist, and this story is maybe more the exception than the rule, but it's undeniable that guys today do have to go just that much farther to literally 'prove' that they are genuine about something or someone, and don't just have base ulterior motives. The first time a guy ever said he had strong feelings for me, I basically said something along the lines of "No, you're probably just confusing this with my DDD breasts." (maybe a little harsh, but hey, I was 14.) Infact, with this stigma so prominent in society, it's not unusual for guys to complain about it, and even go the extra mile to be nice and considerate just to prove it wrong. (Though not to be confused with "Playing the sensitive card.")

And then there's the second factor- women as stronger peers. Now more than ever, men and women form solid and meaningful platonic friendships in coed groups. While single sex friend groups make it easier to objectify, and be generally be more reckless in, encounters with the opposite sex, a coed friend group sets a standard of decency that applies equally to everyone. Girls might not want their guy friends and coworkers to think they're a slut, and guys don't want their female friends and coworkers to think they're too much of a sleaze. Obviously many people of either gender will still be friends with someone regardless of how awefully they treat their 'conquests,' but the influence can still be pretty strong and does have an effect on society as a whole.

and here's another myth:

"As a woman, you will automatically develop strong feelings for the first person you have sex with."

The problem with that logic is it's actually circular. True, in women's brains sex is said to release large amounts of 'bonding' hormones, but is it enough to literally act as a love potion for any guy lucky (?) enough to hit home first? And is it to the same degree for all women? I suppose in my case it was...for a whole 24 hours. Yup, for 24 hours I thought it'd be pretty neato if we actually got to know each other. That's it.

This is how I think the myth started. For most people, the first person you have sex with is someone cared about to begin with, or at least is better than the average hook up. After all, they've "merited" your virginity, so clearly could not have been all that aweful to begin with. If you have sex with the first person you fall in love with, then it's probably the loss of "love virginity" (for lack of a better word) that keeps you attached, not the physical act. And as for the random hook-up method of deflowering (inwhich case maybe they weren't too special to begin with) I don't think that ever lead to one person overnight having serious feelings for another. If the former virgin is really ecstatic about a second encounter, then chances are they just want to have sex again...



And while I'm apparently on a fucking roll, let's analyze something else about people that's always confused me.

"The One Time Deal."

I was watching the most recent episode of The Guild the other day, where The-Douchebag-Antagonist-Played-By-Will-Wheaton (of course) tells Codex that the sex was great, but he only does one time deals. To me, an assertive "it was good but I'd prefer it not happen again" after a fling with someone you have nothing to lose with has always been a masked insult. Sex is good. Sex with other, real people is sometimes dissapointing, but often even better. If the sex was genuinely good, and if since said sex you've learned nothing about them to make them less appealing, and if the relationship is not exclusive, why not? Why so surely and immidiatley set on never repeating the incident no matter what life throws at you? There is no reason. Actually there are a few exceptions to this,* but outside of those I simply do not understand turning down a good thing so long as it continues to be good. The only possible conclusion is that you really just were kinda bad...

*The Exceptions:

1. Guilt. 'It was great but illicit and I feel really bad about cheating and want to put in a genuine effort not to"

2. Someone else. 'it was really enjoyable, but there is someone else who I'm banging who's even better, so they win the booty call award'. This doesn't even fully merit a permanent defacto rejection though, if you ask me, as it could easily become 'I'll put you on the backburner if this falls through.' A variant on this is also Stud. As in 'so many people clamour for my body that I literally have a new awesome person every time I want to fuck.' But I honestly don't think anyone outside of Hollywood gets that much sex. And if they do...well fuck you. And you should probably get tested.

3. Beer Goggles. 'You were really hot after that 8th tequila shot but this morning I'm just not feeling it' Then again, this isn't even a logically permanent rejection either, because you'll probably be up for it next time you have another eight tequila shots.

4. Vacation sex




So much for getting more than six hours of sleep...